Pandemic incentivizes couples to discuss finances

I came across an interesting article worth sharing in this past week's Sunday New York Times.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/17/fashion/weddings/how-covid-has-altered-the-conversation-about-money.html?smid=em-share

This article addresses how the pandemic has created urgency amongst couples to share information about the household finances. Three heterosexual couples are highlighted and what is both surprising and a bit unfortunate is that in all three cases it is the wife who is “in the dark” deferring to her husband to control the money. All of the women showed some measure of discomfort in discussing the finances with their spouses. As a married woman and estate planning attorney, if this is national trend, then this is very disappointing. I say this in light of all of the discussion of Ruth Bader Ginsburg (may she rest in peace) and the debt of gratitude we owe her for advancing women’s rights. WWRBGD What would RBG do? I believe she would have been disheartened by this article.

Certainly, it is not atypical to have one spouse assert more control over the household management. One spouse may pay the day to day bills and generally have a better handle on the monthly expenses but for the other spouse to be completely in the dark about the couple’s assets, debts and estate planning documents is dangerous and fraught with peril. I have handled estates where the surviving spouse has been blindsided about her deceased spouse’s expenses, assets and debts. These are the spouses who might be left struggling because their spouse has inadequate life insurance or significant debts. THIS IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND UNFAIR TO BOTH PARTIES.

If I am working with a couple, I require both of them to attend the consultation. We discuss all of the assets and debts. We review beneficiary designations and how accounts are titled. I encourage open and honest dialogue between couples even if it causes friction during the meeting. For individuals who do not want to share information with their spouse, I will not meet with or retain the spouse as a client. However, most couples embark on the estate planning process together. In addition to preparing documents to address incapacity and death, the sharing of asset information is a critical step in the process.

In fact, I believe in and encourage couples to maintain their own individual accounts if they desire to do so. There is absolutely nothing wrong with some financial autonomy in a relationship. What is wrong is keeping your spouse in the dark, especially if you are hiding something.

For each of the couples highlighted for the article, there was discomfort in asking the tough questions. My response is “Get over it.” Have the difficult discussions because these are life and death matters. Would you really want to leave your spouse, who may be devastated by your sickness or death, with absolutely no idea how to take care of the household if you got sick or passed away? I facilitate these discussions on a regular basis within the context of estate planning. If you’d like to set up an appointment to discuss your estate plan, please contact the Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross, P.C. and stay safe! 

Pandemics and estate planning

In last Sunday's NYT Business Section, a timely and relevant article about end of life planning really resonated with me. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/16/business/boom-time-for-death-planning.html As an estate planning and probate attorney, I deal with death and dying every day. Many clients experience tremendous angst when discussing these issues which is probably why over half of all Americans avoid the topic all together and do not have even the most basic estate planning documents. The pandemic changed that. Starting in March, we received a notable increase in calls from individuals, particularly those who work in health care, seeking estate planning documents. While it may take a global pandemic to make us realize we are mere mortals, the reality is that these are issues we all will face at one time or another.

What this article could have been entitled was "How Millennials Think about Death" because of its discussion of different companies' creative use of technology to write obituaries, plan one's funeral, prepare estate planning documents or even turn a one's loved one's ashes into jewelry. These companies are trying to take the stigma out of talking about these issues and give a person "more control over life's greatest uncertainty." According to the article, "studies have found that being able to talk about your mortality makes you a happier person and improves your relationships." I don't know whether this is true but anecdotally, having done this for 17 years, I can say with absolute certainty that clients feel better after they have completed their estate planning. We suggest that clients take a holistic approach to planning. In addition to the preparation of estate planning documents, we encourage them to put their financial house in order, by referring them to a competent financial advisor, if they don't work with one already. We also assist in coordinating their assets with their plan, so that the documents will actually carry out their objectives.  We promote speaking to the people whom clients have designated in the various roles of their plan in order to discuss end of life decisions and funeral wishes. In fact, Michigan permits the appointment of a funeral representative to make your funeral decisions. We provide documents and reminders for clients to "write down" or somehow memorialize their passwords for their digital accounts so that this information is easily accessible to their fiduciaries should they become incapacitated or pass away.  For clients with young children, I advise them to write a letter detailing their goals and wishes for their children, providing guidance to their trustees and guardians on how the assets should be spent and what values they wish to be imparted should they pass away.

I appreciated the hands on - take charge approach to death and dying conveyed by these thoughtful entrepreneurs. And while I do not think I'm ordering a "diamond" made from the ashes of a dearly departed relative any time soon, I do think planning is wise, thoughtful and the right thing to do now and well into the future. If you have any questions about planning, had a recent loss or would like to schedule a consultation, please do not hesitate to contact The Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross, PC. We are open and working through the pandemic to assist clients. 

Unprecedented times call for creativity and flexibility

The Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross, P.C. remains committed to serving your probate and estate planning needs during the COVID-19 pandemic. We have adopted a protocol to address our clients needs and keep everyone safe and healthy. 

1) All estate planning initial consultations will be conducted via phone, facetime or zoom meeting.

2) All signing conferences will be conducted as follows:

* Once drafts have been reviewed and approved, we will mail original binders or make them available for pick up outside of our office and schedule a conference call to review the final documents.

* Once documents have been reviewed, we will schedule an appointment for you to do a "drive by" signing during which time documents will be notarized and witnessed. This meeting will occur in our parking lot and you must bring your own pen. 

3) If you would prefer to have a traditional signing conference in our offices, we are currently scheduling these meetings for mid to late April but this time frame will be subject to change.

4) For all probate matters, the Courts are updating their protocols daily. Currently scheduled hearings may be adjourned or may proceed as scheduled depending upon the nature of the hearing and the Court's specific policy. We will keep you posted as these policies are subject to change. 

5) As always and especially in times of crisis, we are here for you. Please do not hesitate to contact the Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross, P.C. for your legal needs. If you need to leave a message, we will get back to you as soon as we are able.

Thank you. May you stay safe, healthy and sane during these very trying times.

Update on Tuesday, March 24, 2020 by Kristen R. Gross

In light of Governor Whitmer's Stay in Place order effective March 24, 2020, we are no longer conducting drive-by signings. Any signing conferences will be rescheduled until after expiration of the order on April 13, 2020. This of course remains subject to change as well. 

Nevertheless, your estate planning and probate needs are very important to us. I will still be conducting initial phone consultations via phone or facetime conference. Additionally, we will provide document drafts once completed for your review and approval.

Please do not hesitate to contact us via email or leaving a voice mail at the office with any questions or concerns. We will return all calls and voice mails at our earliest opportunity. 

Don't delay-deal with your estate planning today!

This Thanksgiving, as I have for the past couple of years, I asked that we go around the table and have each guest tell the group in a few words, the things for which they are grateful.   I really appreciated hearing each person’s perspective on this year’s gratitude. When it was my turn, I, of course, stated the obvious items; I was grateful for the health of my family, that my mother traveled north to brave the cold and be with us and for the opportunity to have everyone around the table year after year. My mother indicated her gratitude to live in peace which is clearly a thing of extraordinary value. While this country is far from perfect, having lived and traveled abroad, I am 100% certain there is no country on earth in which I would rather live. I don’t think however, her remark was intended as pure patriotism as I believe she was also referring to her personal life. As we approach this holiday season, familial peace or lack thereof resonates prominently in our lives and there is no single issue that can bring a family closer or tear them apart than the sickness or loss of a parent. Even the closest of families can be fragmentized by conflict, secrets or even a perception that one child is favored over another.

An article I read today prompted this blog, A Conversation Too Long Delayed http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/29/your-money/estate-planning/a-respectful-deference-to-elders-curdles-into-a-fight-over-assets.html?ref=business illustrates the importance of having the discussion about end of life decisions  and post mortem wishes with your family. In Amanda Brown’s film “Black Heirlooms,” we hear a story that is all too familiar in my world. Ms. Brown “chronicles her family’s dispute over dividing her grandmother’s estate.” One would think these types of conflicts would be confined to multi-million dollar estates, however as Ms. Brown shows us families are just as likely to fight over grandma’s nominal teacup collection as they are the priceless antiques.    In fact, her family’s dispute has arisen over a mere $51,283.50 estate and her grandmother’s failure to document and disclose her wishes.  

Other opportunities to gather will occur next month when I implore families to do more than just share a meal and reminisce. While I am not suggesting that your table conversation during your Christmas ham or Chanukah latkes centers on your end of life wishes, this family time might be a good opportunity to take one hour to have the uncomfortable conversations.  If your children or another family member are in charge of your decision making in the event you become incapacitated, tell them what you want.  It may be just as important to share these wishes with the people who are not in charge as with those who are along with a statement like, ”While I love you all equally, I picked Sally because she is a nurse or Johnny because he is an accountant.”  The people in charge need to understand their role as a fiduciary and how important it is to act in the best interest of the person whom they are serving.  Whether you are a child who wants to broach the topic with your parents, a parent who wants to impart your wishes to your children, or an individual who hasn’t yet prepared their estate planning documents, the Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross, P.C.  can provide you with tips to get the conversation started, facilitate these meetings on your behalf and of course, assist with the preparation of your estate planning documents.  Please contact us today to schedule an appointment.  

Estate and Trust Administration

A recent Michigan Court of Appeals decision has prompted this blog entry.  Independent Bank v. Hammel Associates, LLC, et al., Court of Appeals No. 306813 (July 2, 2013) deals with creditor's claims and the importance of handling them with care and precision in an estate and/or trust administration. When I meet with a new client on an estate or trust administration, in addition to bringing me information about the decedent's assets, it is critical that I obtain information about all possible known creditors. Before distributing assets, a trustee or personal representative is obligated to pay debts, however, they are only required to pay validly presented claims. The law is clear on the procedure that must be followed. There are precise deadlines and language that must be used in notices to creditors. Creditors are equally obliged to follow certain protocol. Many creditors do not understand these procedures and lose out on recovering payments from estates. Clients are often shocked when I explain that creditor "X" failed to timely file a proper statement of claim.  In plain language, this means that the estate or trust does not have to pay that particular claim because it wasn't validly presented and the statute of limitations on the creditors claims period has run. Fiduciaries could even be personally liable for improper payment of a claim that was not validly presented. This means that they would have to reimburse the estate from their own pocket if they disbursed estate/trust funds to the claimant.

If you are a nominated personal representative or trustee of a trust, it is critical to obtain the advice of competent legal counsel when dealing with creditor's claims.  Contact the Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross for assistance in navigating this process.

What is our legacy? The importance of an ethical will.

What is our legacy? The loss of two of my friends' fathers in the last month prompted me to contemplate this blog. As a probate and estate planning attorney, I deal with the “who, what and how” of a clients’ financial legacy on a daily basis. What assets does the client have, to whom does the client wish to leave those assets and how best to leave those assets to one’s beneficiaries so that the client doesn’t DE incentivize his or her beneficiaries from pursuing their dreams and attaining their own successes.  These are all important goals and considerations; however, today I wish to explore one’s legacy of values.  What will people feel and say about us when we pass away?  What life lessons should we impart to our loved ones? How can we preserve this legacy so it passes from generation to the next.

Many years ago, while working with the planned giving director of the American Heart Association, he shared the concept of ethical wills.   While these are not legal documents, they are documents written to communicate values and wisdom, history and stories.  An ethical will, which could be a simple letter to your children, preserves who you are and what matters most to you.   It is a way to share your values, blessings, life’s lessons, hopes and dreams for the future. 

What types of topics should be addressed in an ethical will?  Personal stories that were particularly impactful or shaped you into the person you are today are important to share.  Personally, I think sharing life’s failures or missteps can be very valuable life lessons to impart to the next generation.  Especially, when we are able to overcome those failures and go on to something even better.  Stories of resilience are invaluable.  Ethical wills may express gratitude for one’s blessings, i.e. friends, family, personal wealth.  You may request forgiveness for regretted actions. You may wish to share why you chose certain recipients of charitable contributions and the importance of giving back.  Whatever you choose to share, remember that your words will remain long after you have left this earth.

Our obituaries and eulogies typically are comprised of thoughts written by our loved ones. Ultimately, our legacy is defined by what others say about us.  Nevertheless, why shouldn’t we play a role in shaping our legacy by memorializing our thoughts, dreams and values?  While the Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross, P.C. are happy to help you with any legal matters with which you may require assistance, the ethical will can be tackled without the assistance of any attorney. To quote 19^th and 20^th century philosopher and psychologist William James,   “The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” Consider writing an ethical will today.  

Update on Monday, May 6, 2013 by Kristen R. Gross

An interesting follow up to my blog about ethical wills. So you don't want to write a novel, this link will give you ideas on a memoir of just 6 words.  Larry Smith, writer, editor and old friend has created an international phenomenon. Watch and learn. 

http://www.jhub.org.uk/jdov/portfolio/from-this-you-make-a-living/

Birthdays, Babies and Estate Planning

This week marks the one year anniversary of the Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross, P.C.  What a great year it’s been!   I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude to my colleagues, attorneys, financial advisors, CPAs and insurance specialists, who provided guidance on starting my own business and referred me to their clients.  Thank you to my current and former clients; the opportunity to work with you, your family members and friends are the highest compliment.  This weekend as I reflected on the firm’s first birthday, I read a practical article for parents entitled “For Parents-to-Be, a Few Financial and Legal Tips.”  http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/09/your-money/financial-tips-for-expectant-parents.html  Estate planning is hugely impacted by life’s changes.   In the upcoming weeks, I will be posting a blog about estate planning and divorce. 

Today, however, the topic concerns another huge life changer…having children. For many this is the catalyst for doing their first estate planning documents.  One could argue that having children forces us to become adults ourselves.  The NYT article imparted a lot of practical advice about what to do prior to the baby’s arrival and then soon after.  The article recommended that both parents purchase life insurance, even if one plans upon staying at home.  Remember, even if one spouse is not currently contributing an income because he or she chose to stay at home to care for the family, his or her death will likely result in the need for an outside caregiver for the children.   The article further recommended that women apply for life insurance prior to becoming pregnant or in the early stages of their pregnancy, since medical complications during a pregnancy can delay an insurance company’s decision to insure them until after the pregnancy. Feel free to contact the Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross, P.C. for a referral to an insurance specialist.

You should create a will which names guardians in the event that you should pass away.  The Michigan courts will give great deference to a parent’s written document.  Additionally, in Michigan, if you have minor children, you should create a revocable living trust and appoint a trustee who could manage your child’s assets in the event that you pass away while they are minors.  Minors cannot inherit assets over a certain dollar threshold, therefore, if assets are left directly to the minor, then it will be necessary for the court to establish a conservatorship for the minor’s assets, which terminates at the age of 18 in Michigan.  Most of my clients object to idea of even having an 18 year old inherit a significant sum of money and would prefer to have someone else control it for their child’s benefit.  (I speak from experience, since I have an 18 year old.) A trust can be set up for your child which could provide for their health, education and everyday needs.  Most clients establish ages at which they would like to distribute the assets to the child, but others prefer to condition a distribution on attaining a college degree or some other incentive plan. Whatever you choose, the idea behind this strategy is that you control the purse strings even if you are already gone and that’s an idea that brings comfort to many clients even when they have to deal with such difficult issues. 

Once you have created a trust, make sure that it gets funded with assets.  That means you need to update your beneficiary designations so that your trust is a named beneficiary. Thanks for reading!

Be prepared with proper estate planning

It’s been several months since I’ve posted a blog. However, this weekend I read an article in the New York Times entitled, “A Shocking Death, a Financial Lesson and Help for Others” that resonated with me. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/12/your-money/estate-planning/shell-tell-you-its-time-to-think-ahead.html  Recently, my office has seen a number of clients faced with the loss of their spouse.  Many of these clients have been younger, so the loss was obviously unexpected. This is a tragic occurrence which is only exacerbated by a lack of planning. Grief stricken by the loss of their spouse and overwhelmed by the daunting task of searching  for asset information, computer passwords and other information that was never addressed while their spouse was alive, these clients come into my office with more questions than answers.  How will they pay the bills? Will they have access to the individual accounts? Did their spouse have adequate life insurance? What are their spouse’s computer passwords for his various accounts?

In the NYT article, the subject, Chanel Reynold’s lost her husband after he was hit while riding his bicycle.  Chanel and her husband were ill prepared to handle this horrific tragedy.  They had inadequate life insurance to replace his six figure income, an unsigned will, a blended family and a huge mess.  Chanel however, took her tragedy and turned it into a life lesson for others.  She launched a website entitled “getyours***ttogether.org.” I’ve bleeped out the actual website name due to its crudeness, however, the lessons imparted are valuable and worth checking out. While I do not agree with all of the recommendations made by Ms. Reynolds, I am a proponent of learning from other people’s mistakes, as this can save you from making your own.  At the Law Offices of Kristen R. Gross, P.C., we assist clients by preparing easy to understand documents that address both incapacity and death.  We provide checklists that allow clients to get organized. I encourage clients to share their goals and information with the people whom they’ve appointed in their documents and will conduct a meeting with trustees, guardians and other agents to explain their role in my client’s estate plan.  It’s a new year, start 2013 off right and get your “act” together by doing your estate plan.  

Powers of Attorney for your College Bound kids

Updated on Monday, March 11, 2013 by Kristen R. Gross

So, you’ve made 12 trips to Bed and Bath for their sheets, towels and other dorm supplies.  You bought her the computer and arranged for the bank account near campus.  However, there are a couple of crucial legal documents that you may have overlooked when helping your son or daughter to prepare for his or her freshman year.  Are you able to manage the financial and health care matters for your child in the event he is unable to?  If your child is 18 years old, then you no longer have the legal authority to make his or her healthcare or financial decisions.  

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What to Tell the Children About Their Inheritance and When

In this article, Paul Sullivan writes about some individuals who inherited money at a fairly young age. Some of these “kids” were ill prepared to deal with the issues associated with receiving such a windfall. We work hard to provide for our families but are we doing a good job of educating our children from a young age on the importance of hard work even if such a windfall should occur? While most of us view the “inheritance” as a blessing, it is important to consider how it will impact our beneficiaries.  

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